my hope

When i watched drama playful kiss, or any drama involve smart ass guy, i really dun like them! their life just full of studies and exams. they don't participate other activities and always focus on their studies and make others feels like they like to play and hopeless. all teachers hope for them, expected only the best from them. i always adore students that enjoy their life.. even  though they not soooo smart, they always have fun, live the life, and always positive.. like oh ha ni.. i wanted to meet this type of people. unfortunately, saying that i hate the smarts ass guy like saying that i hate myself (mmg pn aq benci diri sndiri) actually, i'm NOT  smart, well, if i'm smart, then why am i go to school everyday with THIS sleepy face, wake up and have to separate with that comforting pillow and the morning cold air that make me want to snuggle under blanket but i realize i must go to school and begin my usual morning with my grumpiness. i just happen to be with same class with smart students and i dun hate them, i like them. Anyway, continue... i hate study but i can't help it, if i don't study, then i won't get 8A, then i will disappointed the teachers for all their hard works to teach us. Spending their times, worsening their migraine with our questions and attitude, i'll feel like i owe them big debt and i don't want  to disappoint them and lose their trust. Just imagine, u give all u have to ur students to help them but they don't do their best when they have potential to be one but instead, they just lazying around. But i'm greed, greed of freedom and happiness, wanted to not give a damn about school. i always asked my self, if i'm not in the first class, not being expected to be the best, what would happen, am i happy? can i find people like oh ha ni? can i know what is real life is? how big the world is? how happy a person can be?am i satisfied with myself? heh... Janah never satisfied, there always be at least 1 thing that she'll complaint. but, even though i hate myself, i'm lucky to have cheerful BF(bestfren, ok...), peaceful life, healthy body, i'm always full and never have nothing to eat, and i have my brain that function. well, at times..hahaha                                                     
i hope that one day i'll satisfied with what i've done and get rid the hate of myself before i died.