why?

ok, i'm now lost. what shuld i do? my friends told me/us of what their thinking of our addiction.. but they dun know how is it to be in addiction!!! for god's sake, can't they understand? i tried to, but i can't. and i'm sooooo angry. i keep blaming them, in my mind are like sooo chaotic. it's like there's an angel and satan beside. one tell me that i should compromize with them, not to be sellfish, let the addiction gone. but the other one told me to be sellfish. me is the important. what the fuck up i care bout them. they just in their thought. they dun know anything. but what they said have a point, i shouldn't be in this addictiona anymore. i dun want to ruin our frenship just because of bunch of guys that dun know me. and why am i soooo obsessive. i dun know. u dun want to be in it. so, i'm going to explain to them. i hate some1 is not happy just because to make me happy... yeah, i'm pathetic, right? sometimes i just want to tell myself ignore them, and love ur live! but even i live my live, my heart still can't rest in peace bcoz i knew some1 is not happy... ugghhh... why am i so nice? (ok, kind perasan kat situ)
wish i can say this to people, not to blog... yeah, i'm lonely... i want to talk to my family members, but they are not this kind of family that give you cuddle hug or anything, they just give u miserable to go through ur life, ouh... i'm soo thankful. i can't say this to my frens bcoz they'll sort of laugh at me. i'm not this person in their eyes. i'm the easy going and always smile,but lately, there 's always this sad kind of feeling. wish somebody can understand me. or i'l go insane. maybe this blog the only thing that i can express myself. i'm lying to myself. i knew the truth that i'm lying to myself but i keep lying. why? there's so many why? the only answer u can get for ur question is to question ur self... ok, i'm gonna explain the others.