questions

i have lots of questions rite now, such as; have i changed? to good or bad? why i dun have talents? and what actually i want from life? and WHAT I'M GONNA TELL IN THIS POST? well... it's been awhile since i told bout my 'crushes' story. so, let me conclude what really happens at me, at penang.

first, i tried to be bepu with some people. i tried. lots of them... but i dun have a chemistry with them (btw, NEARLY fail chemis. by 6 marks -__-)
they are either:
too nice for me
or
attracts trouble

the problem with nice people is.... ME. well, i can be nice, but for awhile. being with nice people, i must do nice things, control my mouth... I CANT! soo... i shifted to another person.

that attracts trouble. AT-8-TION: they are not trouble-makers. the troubles jusst.. came to them. so, at first, i'll pujuk them, lend my shoulders.... then, it'll be fine. all the problem vanished. UNTIL, troubles come again! ta~daa~~ and i started to prevent myself from them.

I'M AN EVIL PERSON. I THINK SIMPLE. if troubles come, i think, what the hell, just faced them. if someone hate me, i dun care. every human has rights to hate someone/thing. and i dun have ANY experience of love. why u ask me?!

so, why i can't find a single person at there who is not popular, drama-queen, trouble-attracter? i'm not SO picky.
whatever. start next year. i'm gonna build a huge wall around me so no one can know me. just my old friend and few people. so what if they're not interested to be friend with me? their LOST. just because i'm NOT PRETTY, doesn't mean that i have NOTHING.

and all my life at penang, not even a single day i didn't think of them. every time i did sumthing fun, i'll said in my mind if they are here, this is gonna be funnier. or if i met someone hawt, i'm sure we will scream, or debate bcoz we all have our own opinion... i missed old times. but i tried not too think of it much bcoz i know that i did enjoy it.

crushes? well.... the problem is... i dun even know if this my usual crushes or i do really like this person. my max. crush is 2 weeks. yes, new record. i WAS like Mr. F. well, i was an idiot at that time(still an idiot, but much better now). just look at him!! blurr and idiot.

i read someone's status (can't remember whose) said that real crush is 4 months... well... this one is over 4 months already. ok, HINT: my old friend. that's it. even my best friends dun know this. well, i'm kinda soft A BIT now, but i'm still hardcore, ok? started to miss him months ago.. then, i thought, i might having fever or sumthing. coz i dont fall in luv with frens, ok.. and this is not luv. this is call CRUSH. i'm sure this is my usual crush, and i'll forget bout it in a few days.

i wait days, weeks, months... and this feeling is not FADING. OMG!!! is this real? well.. i'll just wait for a year then. then i'll make a new record. my max crush : A YEAR. but i have an imagination.. IF 10 years from now i'll meet him, and IF that feeling is still there. I'll confess. but that is 0.000000000000000000000000000001% success.

well, thats it for now. i have more. but i'm sleepy, and u'll get bored reading this. and i know that no 1 gonna read this, thats why i post bout my crush here.

crush(ES!!!) ed

yeay~~ finall i have crushES! mind the ssss.. HAHAHAHAH.. banyak syok sendiri.. there's one ok, that's one is not count, just bumped anyway.. but, there were 2 guy in mckk that soooooo handsome(well, maybe, for me).ok2, as elyza already knew, my school held asian gifted science fair(ASGF). ok2, more detail bout the program later. now, it's about my crushes. urrmmm....... one is from SEMESTA, f5, rugby player, nice body shape, not too tall, taller than me by inches only, (quite short for f5) , urrmm.. i like men wearing specs, ooppss... a little correction there, HANDSOME men wear specs... it kinda give smart, and caring and sophisticated looks to them. ok, urrmm... little distraction by senior here... and another one is urrmmmm... WAS,ok, IS, no, WAS. whatever. he's from permata pintar. CUTEEE!!!! white, has slang... i dun know which accent. from sarawak.... urrmm.. friendly... OMG, i'm soooo desperate here!! smskb's guys are so kerek and hampeh! appreciate all the guys there! dun tell hazmi! then, what's with the ED? urmmmm......
as u guys know, I'M a SHY person.. acehceh.. ehehe.. (it's true) so, i wanted to take pict with him, them.. whatever.. but, unfortunately, DUN HAVE CAMERA!!!!! what a cruel life... x pe2, mmg dah azam nih, nak tangkap gak gambar dye, lagi2, dye pakai uniform vest and trousers, kelabu, with navy blue shirt. cute(permata pintar) then, i waited, and waited... untill the clocing ceremony ended, there i was, staring at him . sitting there, like an idiot, so i DECIDED!!!!!..........................to only talk to him. yeah, silly rite? that's me...
then, i got my courage back! walk with confidence, UNTIL.....i saw a girl(from my school) took pict with him.... and i was like got cheat. (syok sendiri je pown) then, got frustrated and go with broken heart....
then the other guy(semesta) found him when i was sit alone in hall, with broken heart... what a lonely life(ter-emo) then, ade la 1 minah thai nih dtang... asked all that and this, got know each other, and she wanted to take pict with me.. aq pon layan la.. (all my sense were gone) then, SUDDENLY, time orang tuh tgh nak amik gambar, aq nampak smesta tuh. lpas dah abes ckap2 sume tuh, hilang plak mamat neyh. hampeh btol. THE I GOT OUT OF THE HALL, searching for him and searching untill, I SAW HIM flirting with seri putri's girls... yeah, he's a rugby player(playboy) then, my heart shattered......yeahhh... yesterday, my life is full of roses, and today, my crushesed gone, to their school again... and here, i sit, huhhhhhhhhhhh..... waiting for another event where other school come!!!!!! ohohohohohoho bye2~~~~~ my heart still ache. T^T

journey back home!!!

MY first time EVER went back home by bus!!! double decker~~!!! yeay!!! but, i was tyhe only 1 sakba girl's student and all of them were boys! and there was head student! cesssss!!! kaco btol dye nih. i want to on9 fb...
to be continued~

MY new Class

There are 13 students: 7 girls, 6 boys.(YES, THE 2 WEEKS OF BOREDOME AND TIREDNESS ENDED!) And can u imagine, mr.E is same class with me?! Regret took international lang. And i really not into girls in there. There are miss W, which 1 of the spoil brat. And suke jeling. And there’s a few people who like to be her follower. If i’m not lonely, i dun even want to look at her. And miss J(not me) which she has lots of fan, from lower form to upper form. I dun really care. But, she seems dun really like me, maybe cuz she’s from rich family. Girls that i like are miss i and miss im. They are ok.

2^nd intake enter!(I REALLY2 HOPE THAT 1 OF MY BEST FREN GOT HERE, BUT, UNFORTUNATLY, THERE’S NO 1) the girls are nice! And miss F reminds me of syera cuz she’s clever! And always teach me math! And nice! Urmm.. the boys are ok, but i dun talk much to them(can u imagine, jay become quiet in this school?! xD)  except there’s one boy. MR. F. Heard he’s rich, but he’s soooo not like mr E. He’s a happy go lucky. And always smile, and diligent, and terrer in math. Like to talk. A little bit naughty. And he’s the only boy that talk to me (people told me because my face always serious, so the boys won’t dare near to me) and he reminds me of hazmi.... the only boy tht makes me smile  in that class. he's kinda.. ok... ehehehehehehehehehe

ENTER NEW SCHOOL!!

A day b4 registeration-

SMSKB..  never heard b4!! Huh.. but, it’s ok, U CAN SURVIVE, JAY!! Goodbye SMKBBST, u always in my heart, hello SMSKB, allow me to enter u in my heart.

1st day- 2 weeks orientation. OH MY GOD. Even i can’t stand 1 day orientation, u asked me to get through 2 weeks?! Are u crazy?!! This is ridiculous!!

2nd day-

 ok, I SAW MINHO!!!!!!! Ok, he’s not minho, but he looks like minho!!! UWWWAAAARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!! I WANNA DIE. Chhtt.. how’s my tudung? okay? What  should i do?? Stop smiling like an idiot, jay. He’ll know!!! Mr. E knows how to play tennis,(charismatic) clever(wow.. brainy... ok2), rich(alllriigghhhtttt.... really hope he’s in my list) and handsome.(can’t deny that)

3rd day-

 ok, minho’s name is mr.E,  and he’s a real jack-ass. I know that he’s handsome, but, pleaselah, dun la act macho. I mean, it’s okay 4 men to act macho, but he act TTOOOOOO macho. What?! He thinks like there’s no other man in the world that more handsome u? Chhtt.. minho iis more handsome than u!

7^th day-  

(PLEASE READ THIS IN SARCASTIC TONE) is this only me or MOST(90%) boys in this school are SO NICE, LIKE ANGEL, THEY ARE SO KIND!!! I’M WILLING TO GIVE MY LIFE FOR THEM! BERGADAI NYAWE!! I’M SOOOO NOT HATE THEM, I MEAN LIKE, WHO WOULD HATE SUCH PEOPLE LIKE THEM?! Pfffftttt... I’M GOING  CRAZY CUZ OF THEIR KINDESS!! (U ARE SOOO LAM.PI. IF U THINK I REALLY MEAN THAT TEXT ABOVE)

15^TH day- 

i’m gonna die because tiredness, sleepiness and sleepiness(i mentioned TWICE!)

my schedule:wake up EVERYDAY 5:30 AND SLEEP AT 1a.m. so, my new motto is SLEEP WHENEVER U CAN. tired of boys here, and also girls... i miss my fren. I hope there’s anyone here can read my mind, satu kepala ngan aq. Things here are complete if i have my frens here. Ugghhhh... why now i have homesick? Better think closing ceremony! Wat ape sahaje termampu, JAY! And mr. I is not THAT cute/ handsome.... he’s just a.......... big sleepy-headd...... (x sedar diri betul ko ni jay) and what the hell i care about mr. E?! Pleaselah...

as i was working on my homework, i searched for quotes. then i saw so many sarcasm and lots of people criticize about my country's slogan. and most of them are malaysian. it was the same sadness i felt in my heart. i'm not very patriotic. but dun u feel sad when people criticize your country, and look at different perspective, how unproud of us being malaysian. yes, i admit that i'm that person. you can find anywhere, teens change patriotic songs into some mockings  rhyme. and when people bash about my country, about how weak we are, i feel sad. i want that to be false, but there's some truth behind it. we like to do our own things. the "old jangan kacau tepi kain orang" totally forgotten. what will malaysia be when the it lead by next generation? we are used to phrase don't be narrow-minded. but open-minded has some limits. i like to criticize, and now i realize, when some1 critic, is that what i look like? but critics is one of step to success. but i was thinking. look at other successful countries, they live in afraid. afraid some1 will take over their country, there are lots of people suffering because of technologies. i dun say that we can't being a successful country, just i want us to be a wise country. and will that be happen? i dun know, i just express my thought and questions that filled up my head.

happy new year~~ MMXI~~

another year past and came! 2010 wasss.... errr..... fun? ehehe... suffered from, short terms memory. but i know that i'm healthy and still breathing today! maybe i should find a crush next year? xDD ridiculous. everybody wants find bf/gf but i want to find a crush?! ehehe.. doesn't it thrills when u look at him and curious? yeah, i'm weird, but i like it to be secret. my mission for 2011!!! ermm.. i think i posted my transformation, but that'll take a lot of time.. so, i want to search what my talent is or are (i'm lucky enough to have at least one talent!) i want to find my interest, maybe some adventure! study harder?i'll think of that. (u need to study, jay. ur brain cells are dramatically decreasing) but i dun have any time that suits for this mission. next year i'll be having SPM (YEAR U HAVE TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING) and if i got lucky, i'll be accepted in U, or maybe if i work hard enough, i'll study oversea. if not, i have to find work. then ur life pretty much the same. i work(if i'm lucky enough to get a job), go back home, marry and have kids. totally can't get any job u like. i mean, SPM, dude. even a degree student work at 7-11. if i enter u, i decided to further my study until master. or if i'm transformed into smart and idle girl, i'll be taking pHD... it won't be easy as i said..... HWAITING!!!